Alfredo Fatale : Yoga • Handbalance • Health & Wellness
  • +HAUS

Falling back in love....

11/30/2014

 
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The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Pushing, pushing, pushing the body to it's limits daily. Always looking the monster in the face as he beckons you into the abyss..into avernus. Got to take a week off from the death work to train under the great Olga Pikhienko. This of course gave me a huge boost of energy as Olga is pretty much the equilibrist who inaugurated the world to our art. My eyes were as big as the ocean upon initially meeting her. We spent a ton of time just talking about handbalance and handbalancers, and a lot of work on my lines and positions. She complimented me on my ability to adapt to her teachings. That felt wonderful coming from her, but at the same time it didn't make the training any easier. She kicked my butt from sun up to sun down. Each evening I had to pep talk myself to stay awake to eat at the dinner table. And then the next morning I would walk into the kitchen where breakfast was already prepared for me, try to gobble down what I could, and then it was right back into training. It was great though...as tough as it was, I was always loving it inside being broken by one of my greatest inspirations. I left with lots to think about, lots to work on, and renewed vigor. I masochistically pondered the learning curve awaiting me back in Atlanta applying her teachings to my daily trainings. And when I got back to it in Atlanta, I didn't let my dread fantasies down. Back into the furnace. Back into the fire.

This week past week and for the next three weeks with Cirque Du Soleil's Amaluna in town I've been blessed again the opportunity to train under the featured handbalance performer(and star) of the show Yulya Mihailova. We'll be training off and on until she leaves at the end of the month. Yulya's boyfriend is also a featured handbalancer for Cirque Du Soleil; Andrii Bondarenko. Holding a two-minute handstand for them and then having Andrii take pictures of me in one-arm while Yulya critiqued and adjusted was quite possibly the most proud moment of my journey to date...maybe of my life. My initial critiques were "Shoulder is weak, you need push more. Chest stick out a bit, pull it back in. Everything else is pretty good."

Things are pretty damn good right now. The body hurts, but it's not overwhelming. I'm looking forward to practices. I'm watching videos of other performers on YouTube once again. I've got momentum. One of the hardest things about this journey, and well probably for anybody who's really pushing what is ultimately physically possible in them, is keeping this momentum daily. It's a lot of work...a LOT of work, and damn hard work. It never ends. But it's like any good relationship; You have to always keep your mind on the road and why you initially stepped up in the first place. You gotta KEEP putting that woman first because you made a promise to her and yourself and to god. You gotta keep pushing forward with her, never allowing yourself to be lazy or take her for granted. On the dark days you got to come back to all the good things she's given you, all the good things she is inside. There'll be days where you're angry; exhale all that out and go thank her for having the kindness to love a poor slub like you. Up the notch and surprise her by cleaning the house, buying her roses, cooking dinner. You're a lucky bastard. Don't ever forget all the small things she does for you daily. She'll drive you crazy at times, pull her closer. Keep falling in love over and over...there's still magic, and the grass isn't greener on the other side, that's just a temporary glare from the sun. She is the moon and the stars.

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Echoes in eternity....

11/23/2014

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Fall, fall, fall, fall, fall...that fucking floor forever calling my name. What's the method to my madness? Strength. Pure and simple. The goal of one day waking up and feeling strong. And you know don't give me that bullshit "Oh no Fredo, you're already strong." FUCK YOU! Fuck you, motherfucker. You think you might have good intentions, and I can appreciate that, but words like that are what keep people from pushing harder. We're all strong to somebody. We're all king shit when we're standing on turd hill. I want more. I want to take this thing all the way. Fuck comfort. This is a battlefield. Everyday you sharpen your sword. You hone your craft. You hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. The funniest sometimes saddest part about all this is that there is no quenching the thirst. There's always more to be had. I remember when I use to feel a small sense of pride when I first held handstand for thirty seconds. It was hard! It was work! A two-minute handstand seemed like something of the gods! I look at that now and think 'Seriously?....I'll do a two-minute handstand in my SLEEP!' The elusive one-arm...just holding it one second seemed like near wild heaven. I got the one second, that became ten, ten became twenty, then it had to be twenty tight without any noticeable balance corrections, you get the drift. It's never enough. Strength....that limitless potential lying dormant. Daily chipping at a boulder with a hammer and nail. Sometimes all I feel is disgust at how weak I am. Again, don't you dare feel sorry for me. This is the battle I choose. Haters are your best friends. And you know what, I think we all could stand to have someone look us in the eyes occasionally and tell us "There's nothing special about you." One because there isn't...we're all just trying to do the best we can...to make sense of all this, express ourselves the best we can, finding our way through this maze of life. But two because it keeps us off our high horse. You're not special. Glory comes and goes. One day you're the talk of the town, the next you're the old has been. I'm rambling here, I'm ranting here. Strength. I want to feel strong. I want to one day fully be able to express the multitude of emotion and fire inside me through handbalance, my art, my hell, my heaven. Will it ever happen, who knows. I think it will. Right now I got a lot left in me to prove though, and I'm comin' for all of them. Tell the man at the front to lock the door on the way out. To everyone else out there that's goin' for theirs, to anybody out there with their face in the mud...keep going, you're not alone. We're all gonna make it.

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    Alfredo Fatale

    Yoga • Handbalance • Health & Wellness

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